dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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