called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
