2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
