I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
