Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
