My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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