If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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