The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
