It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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