Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
