Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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