I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
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Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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