I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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