last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
