He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
