i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
