plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
