maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
