i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
