i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
