Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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