one two three fourrrrnication!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
