Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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