Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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