Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
