god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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