i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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