There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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