I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Terrible idea I love it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
