Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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