You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
