??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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