She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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