just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
