i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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