my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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