she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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