Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
