I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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