I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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