Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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