Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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