are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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