Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
