went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize