I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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