the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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