Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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