At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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