Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
