yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
