About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
