I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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