Your face is a jimmy john
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
