Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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