We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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