I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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