I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Mom said you looked used
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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