and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
