3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
